My First Christmas

What next?


That's right, one of the gifts that Youthlarge and I gave the peanut was a Hello Kitty Mr. Met doll!

Full of Sound and Fury

The other day I was listening to my beloved Bobby V. on WFAN. He has been enlisted to do a few call in shows and of course, he is a natural. The interview with Tommy Lasorda was pretty dull though until Lasorda started going on about how the ACLU was trying to destroy Christmas this year. Valentine steered clear of the topic and that was that.

But, it led me to wonder... is the ACLU trying to destroy Christmas? Nothing on their website gave me any clues so I did some research and I found the truth..... they are indeed trying to ruin Christmas, and, America as well. Damn communist bastards!

If you check out these two articles What Is Behind The 'Hate Christians' Campaign? and ACLU Christmas haters . . . still trying to steal Christmas, you too can find all the answers! Also, the site Renew America.us is a bounty of useful information about how the godless heathens are trying to ruin it for everyone!

In the second article, renowned columnist, author, poet, and award winning photographer Kate Grogan writes:

According to the ACLU "Christmas haters" everything referring to Christ in public has to go. But try as they might, they can't take the spirit out of Christmas, something this group is in dire need of. Boy talk about selfishness!

And not to be outdone, Macy's has joined in the movement to take Christ out of Christmas, in favor of Happy Holidays, and Season's Greetings. Man I get steamed up enough when people dare to put a big X in front of MAS. Abbreviation indeed!

The Constitution can be read front to back, sideways, upside down, and nowhere does it read there needs to be a separation of church and state. Good grief! The framers would have been very dense or dumber than a box of rocks, to put separation of church and state in the most "intentionally" misunderstood document, and then proceeded to have a nation built on God and in every aspect of their lives.

I find it ironic, when laws can be passed making it mandatory for drivers and passengers in a car to wear seatbelts, while women can choose to have their babies killed in the womb. I would much rather see people having a choice whether or not to wear seatbelts in a car, above the choice to "snuff" out the lives of innocent babies who had nothing to do with their conception.

Where are you ACLU when you need to protect unborn children? How many lawsuits have you filed on behalf of 45 million babies who have been slaughtered since Roe V. Wade?

Since I am filled with the Christmas Spirit . . . I am going to wish all ACLU card-carrying members a very Merry CHRIST-mas, and a New Year void of prosperity . . . at least in court cases challenging the rights of Christians to practice their religion freely.

A New Year void of prosperity? What? That doesn't sound very nice. Hmmmm...


Kate Grogan: The New Face of Christmas?

And then I came across this lovely article about caring Christians in Colorado who have decided to send their message to non-believers as an advertisement wrapped in newspaper deliveries! They must save the pagans from themselves somehow and what better way than to trick the sinners who think they will be reading that morning's amazing "Family Circus" into reading the New Testament! Genius! The best quote from the article goes to Father Hater, er, I mean Hatler.

"I don't think getting the New Testament with your newspaper is forcing anything on anyone," said the Rev. Gaylord Hatler, pastor of First Christian Church, a Disciples of Christ church in Colorado Springs. "If we're going to celebrate diversity, then all of us should be able to celebrate everyone's position. But it seems that it's O.K. to be anything these days but Christian."

Amen to that! The dominant religion, by far, in the U.S. is being persecuted by too many non-believers and homosexuals!

I'll leave it to the gentlemen at Fightin' Words to point out all the flaws in my new found positions but for a night, let me rejoice in my new found clarity of vision: I am right! You are wrong. I am good. You are a sinner. I will refuse to believe that I wouldn't be just as accepting of my Sunday Paper if it were wrapped in the Koran. I will believe in everything that my new friends at Renew America tell me about how the Constitution really didn't mean to separate church and state. I will continue to be wrapped into a frenzy about how kids in this God Fearing land are not allowed to worship God because the heathens tell them they can't. How dare non-Christians tell them when and where they can tell them about their beliefs! I say shout it from every public school pulpit across our great nation under God. Ahem, so as I said, bring it on Fightin' Words!

Fear of Flying

I hate flying.

But that isn't going to stop me from flying to Seattle this Sunday. I know all of the statistics about how safe it is to fly. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't stop fantasizing about what it would be like to fall from the sky.

A week or so ago, I happened to be lucky enough to partake in a completely inane conversation with a co-worker. It went a little something like this:

Me: I hate flying.

Co-Worker: Me too. I won't fly unless I absolutely must. I don't like flying because who knows what sort of record a plane has had. How old is it? Has it had any accidents?

Me; Well, it couldn't have had too bad an accident or else it wouldn't be around anymore.

CW: Yes, but planes get into accidents all the time, but the media doesn't report it because they are so common.

Me: What kind of accidents are you talking about?

CW: Well, not big crashes because that is all that the media covers, but other accidents.

Me: Hmmmm... um, well the only thing that keeps me flying is I tell myself how safe it is to fly.

CW: No, it isn't.

Me: It is safe to fly. There hasn't been a major American airline crash in three years. And 45,000 people die every year in car accidents. (For 2003, it was 43,000.)

CW: Yeah, but that is because so many more people drive every year. So it is skewed.

Me: Even if more people drive, it is 45,000 deaths to zero over the past three years. Whatever way you cut it, it is about 135,000 deaths to nothing over the past three years when you talk large jets. How can you say driving is safer than flying?

CW: I don't care what the numbers are, you can make statistics prove whatever point you want. I don't believe that flying is safer than driving. If anything, I'd rather fly in a small prop plane.

Other Co- Worker: What? Those are so unsafe! Those are the planes that crash.

CW: But those planes that crash are the ones flown by amateurs.

Other CW: That isn't true. You think that that pilot in the Dick Ebersol crash was an amateur? No way.

CW: They're mostly flown by amateurs and that is why they crash.

Me: Those small planes crash all the time and I don't think that most of them are flown by amateurs but I don't know. And the media doesn't make a big deal out of them because only 5 or 6 people die at a time. I see what you're saying though. When I fly, I feel fairly safe as long as the ground is only like 2,000 or so feet away. I feel like if the plane broke up at 2,000 feet, I could land comfortably on a roof and roll off or something. I know it is completely ludicrous but I guess it is my way of making myself feel better even though I know that the most dangerous parts of a flight are takeoff and landing.

CW: No, they're not mind tricks I'm playing on myself. It is the truth. If a big plane has problems, it is so big that it will automatically fall. But one of the small planes can glide all the way to safety.

Me: Come on, you're kidding.

CW: No, really.

Gliding all the way home.

Now this co-worker is a nice person and a solid professional. But she is also a Republican. And I have found that her politics and many other conservatives that I've either spoken to or read recently have the same attitude about world events as this co-worker does about flying. And that is: The truth is how I define it and none of your fancy "facts" can change my mind.


Only a small percentage of American auto fatalities are incurred by professionals.

Anyway, wish me luck on Sunday.
And I guess on the return flight on Friday too.

Pedro Envy

Say what you will about the Mets signing of Pedro Martinez, but if nothing else, it is going to be an entertaining four years.

First, he treats us to not just one, but two amazing press conferences upon signing his contract. Then, he blows off that dwarf who is now royally pissed at him. And now we get this wonderful article about Pedro and his relationship to his hometown in the Dominican Republic. The entire thing is amazing, but the most pertinent bit of information I gleaned is what Pedro plans on doing upon retirement.

When he retires, he said, he wants to work at the school, maybe as a child psychologist, definitely as the baseball coach.

Pedro as he will look in the year 2009.

Interim Head Wears Red Pants

Hot stuff, huh?

Not Vacation Time For the Public School Kids Yet

Today I happened to be lucky enough to walk past the local middle school at lunch time. There were hundreds of hopped up youngsters everywhere the eye could see. There were a lot of 12 year olds flirting all around me as I ran for cover. There were plenty of geeky guys standing in groups of three trying to outgross each other with the tricks they could play with their food.

It didn't even occur to me that none of the kids were actually sitting down to eat. I assume the school has a cafeteria but all of the kids chose instead to empty out into the park and onto the streets. I climbed to my third floor apt. and took this photo of a few of them.


At least there weren't any of those "skateboarders" lurking around.

Killing Time Until My Movie List Come Out

What started in late October and somehow carried me until mid-December has finally come to a merciful conclusion. So now I must promote myself one more time on the subject. Go here for my 2004 baseball writing. And if you're too damn lazy to make an effort, at least read this one so you can figure out what in the hell this guy is up to.



Make sure to leave a comment before Payday Loans or some mortgage company mucks it up for the rest of us.

Making Gary Clark Smile

Madison, James Madison
We are the Dukes of JMU
Madison, James Madison
The fight'n Dukes of JMU
Fight for glory
Honors won
Bright in the lights of Madison
Madison, James Madison
Show your colors proud and true
We are the Dukes of JMU.

If You Can Read This, Give a Teacher $50.

The big news at my school this past week is that parents are being told not to give gifts to teachers this year. What's the reason you may ask? Apparently, the interim head of the school feels that we should respect the "diversity" of the school's economic population at the $20,000 a year independent school. What is really the reason is that he wants parents to donate any money directly to the school since we are indeed having financial problems. Fair enough, but please be honest with us.


I'll bet David Lee Roth as a youngster always gave his teachers excellent gifts.

Another main reason in this decision is the New Yorker article a few weeks back about giving gifts to teachers. It was an interesting article about how the practice can be abused, how some parents buy really nice gifts, and some parents buy some chintzy shit. It also talked about how in some cultures, it is very important to give a nice gift to the teacher. Sujan can back me up on that one.

Now the public schools have also decided to make the announcement that no parent should spend more than five dollars on a gift for a teacher. Is the New Yorker piece the reason for this decision as well? If so, it is incredible to me how an article that wasn't even overly critical of gift giving is being used to ban all gift giving. It could have as easily been used to urge parents not to buy shitty gifts.

I did not get into teaching for gifts. I obviously did not get into teaching for the money. It annoys me when teachers bitch and moan about how low paid they are. Our society could give two shits. Teachers are expected to at least get their master's degrees so they can be paid like crap. However, I knew what I was getting into when I decided to go into teaching. Would I like to be paid more? Of course, but we need to fight for that rather than sit around and kvetch about how low paid we are. It always seems to me that the teachers always complaining about money are the ones who really don't want to be teaching anyway. My school does not have a union. I have no idea how to start one, but it might be interesting to look into.

The bottom line though is nicely summed up by a teacher from a public school up the block from mine quoted in this article.

"Teachers should be paid enough so that parents don't feel they need to give gifts to teachers and teachers don't feel they need to accept them."

Shame on you teacher for wanting a livable wage!

I've Got an Ill Will and a Pair of Brass Knuckles

So now it is time for the big question of the week. How were the two big reunion shows? Even though I don't have any good pictures of either night, I do have some opinions.


The Coctails celebrate Hanukkah

The Çoctails were good, but I'm upset that I missed the first couple of songs while we finished our meal at Maxwell's. I missed the saw, vibes, two saxophones section of the night! Damn unusually early start time!

It was a lot of fun to see a band that I never thought I would see again. But it is odd to see people on stage that I had not seen in ten years. Whereas they used to have a sort of foppish quality (at least John), they now all look like accountants. It made me nostalgic for the 15 Minutes Club (where I saw them the first time opening for Blast Off Country Style), booking shows in Harrisonburg (I booked them on a double bill with Nothing Painted Blue), and for college in general.


The Pixies celebrate a fat paycheck.

Despite a terrible mix, the Pixies sounded fantastic. I had a great time finally seeing them. It made me nostalgic in a different way than the Coctails show did. By the time I got into the Pixies, they had recently broken up. From the beginning of my fandom, they were a thing of the past. So their music does remind me of college, but not in the same visceral way that the Coctails' music does. They remind me of college almost in the same way that The White Album does.

It was simply a great band playing the songs I've loved for years in front of adoring fans. During the show, I thought about seeing Crosby, Stills, and Nash in the mid 80's with my parents and thinking that the band was hopelessly over the hill. But then I realized that a lot of the songs CSN sang that night were about the same age as the songs that the Pixies played on Monday. These were old songs played in the same way they were played fifteen or so years ago. The fun is that not many people actually got to see the Pixies back when they were a functioning band so now it is time to fill in the gaps. This is all fine and good, but there is something to be said about evolving as a band together as opposed to getting back together to rehash old songs.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the show immensely. But do I appreciate the band more seeing them in this context? Not really. Is some of the mystery gone? Definitely. I would have loved to have been able to see them in Boston in 1988. That might have been the kind of rock show that I'd remember for years. But I wasn't there for that. I was there for the Archers of Loaf kicking my ass at the Working Holiday show in 1994. The current 17 year old indie rock fan missed out on that one, but he/ she will have a chance to see all the new bands and be excited about them in a way that I think has passed me by.

I don't even know what the hell I'm saying. All I know is that maybe I'm ready to go see more of a variety of live performances to begin to get some of that old excitement that I used to get at rock shows back. Which is strange because rock is still easily my favorite kind of music to listen to, but I am enjoying the whole "going out to see a show" experience less and less.

I want to be able to sit and watch a performance these days. Two of the more memorable live music experiences for me in the past few years were William Parker and a performance of some assorted pieces including ones by Varese and Steve Reich. These completely blew me away because they were brand new experiences for me.

What exactly am I getting at in this post?

1. I still like finding new music.
2. Nostalgia is valid.
3. I'm a grump.
4. The Pixies were, of course, better than the Coctails both on record and live.

But were the Pixies giving out free popcorn all night?



Who's up for going to see Farewell I?

What's On My Mind This Cold December Evening?

1. I just found out that my dad is a big fan of the The O.C. this season. He didn't watch last season, but has been caught up in it this year. Now it looks like the only people who haven't succumbed to the charms of Peter Gallagher's out of control eyebrows are Jeremy and me. And he also can't get enough of that Phantom Planet song and wants to know if the whole album is worth buying. I don't think he's been this excited about a TV theme song since that infernal Rembrandts song on Friends.


Stone Groove still misses Adam Brody on Gilmore Girls but clearly can't get enough of Chino.

2. I'm astounded by Jim's writing over there at Fightin' Words. He and Jamie are unstoppable. Make sure to read two of the best pieces of political writing I've read in months:

Don't Blame the Gays, Part One: We Need More Democrats Like Gavin Newsom

and

Too Easily Manipulated: A Case Study

3. I love teaching, especially when kids in my class write this kind of stuff. Debbie stole this from me before I could post it. So make sure you check it on her blog.

Holy Books

4. I can't wait to read more scathing reviews of that new Kevin Spacey pretends he's Bobby Darin movie. This entertaining one will have to tide me over for a few more days.

SAILING THE SEAS OF CHEESE: Kevin Spacey has lost his mind, if not his career.

Too busy to read the whole thing? Here are a couple of highlights:

Now that Spacey's dream has come true, viewers have the chance to see a two-hour film with little film sense, about a phenomenally selfish entertainer who was a prick to pretty much everyone, played by an actor who's 15 years too old for the part and who insists on doing all his own singing and dancing even though he's not very good. To quote Dallas Observer columnist Robert Wilonsky's observation about Vanilla Ice during his ganja-and-dredlocks phase, "The kid's got balls of steel. Too bad they're rolling around in his head."

Darin was a graceful dancer, and his singing boasted spot-on rhythm and an easy mastery of phrasing and pitch; Spacey dances like Pee-Wee Herman on a hot plate, and his off-pitch, rhythm-free singing is so lackluster that if he wasn't playing Darin and singing Darin's hits, you would never be able to guess whom he was imitating.

5. I'm so glad that the Mets have gone from being overly cautious on players like Vladimir Guerrero to giving huge contracts to fragile pitchers with shoulder problems.


Pedro receives the best possible medical attention after each and every start.

6. And because I've been derided recently in these parts as being too critical of everything, I would like to say that after one listen I am really into the new Ted Leo CD Shake the Streets. Also, I really like the first 20 pages of the new Jonathan Lethem book Fortress of Solitude. So far it is much much better than the crapfest of Motherless Brooklyn. Although I must admit that I am looking forward to Bart's film adaptation of the book.

Thank you Balgavy for lending me the book and the CD.

7. Most importantly, my mom is on my mind. She is in the hospital after surgery on her broken arm from a fall on Sunday. She fell right before the beginning of a play, but was such a trooper she made it all the way through the first half before succumbing to the pain and going to the hospital.

So let's go over the hospital facts of the past 13 months:

SHR- 11/03
Stone Groove- 12/03
SHR's Dad- 5/04
SHR's Mom- 10/04
My Mom- 12/04

Geez, am I next?

Repetition

The Fall are one of those bands that I'd never really gotten a handle on. And let me be clear when I use the word "band" I mean it in the loosest sense of the word. The Fall are clearly Mark E. Smith's vehicle of/ for destruction. His onstage and offstage tirades are legendary and I wish that I had been lucky enough to have witnessed one.



The Fall have way too many records to figure out where to start digging in. The first time I ever heard them, Suzanne Clarke was blasting Eat Y'Self Fitter at WXJM back in the early 90's It wasn't like anything I had ever heard before. It was easy to grasp because it was so damn repetitive and long. It was hard to get a feel for because it was do damn strange. The singer was clearly a cocky son of a bitch. It was almost like Oliver Twist grew up to become friends with Shane McGowan and was out to get drunk, stir up some shit, and play Gloria or In the City or some other song with a sneering attitude while also refusing to pay the landlord.

Plus, I'm not so sure they are one of those bands that I need to own many of their records. A simple best of will do. And finally, that best of has made it to my collection. Over the past few months, I've been digesting the Two CD collection 50,000 Fall Fans Can't Be Wrong: 39 Golden Greats, a brilliant title with equally brilliant cover art for such an enigmatic, arrogant, shifting, shambling band.



It is all here, a great primer of all things you need to hear from the Fall (I guess, I mean I don't have all their records so what the hell do I know?) from 1978-2003. And there are fantastic songs on here. I really like it all, but it isn't easy to get through an entire CD in one setting. I am very happy that I have 25 years of The Fall to listen to but I don't envision needing any more.

So what kind of band are The Fall?

They are the kind of band that I could own a CD of, Our Nation's Saving Grace, back in '95, not like it and then sell it. Then when I became reacquainted with it in 2003, I really enjoyed it but had absolutely no memory at first that I had once owned the CD.

They are the kind of band that are excellent to listen to at the gym. Something about all that repetition works.

They are the kind of band that I accidentally was listening to one of their songs over and over again on repeat for about 45 minutes and I didn't even notice that it was the same song repeating since all of their songs sort of put you in that same sort of trance anyway.

And I still don't get the whole Pavement sounds like the Fall thing. Unless you are talking about some of the Spiral Stairs songs, but even then, I don't really see it. There is clearly only one Mark E. Smith



And what does Mark have to say about best of CDs? He says, "If there is one thing I can't stomach, it's all that retrospective shite. That's something that I have never been into and never will. It represents a trainspotter mentality, little men collecting things. I don't like that at all."

Unless of course, it is your best of CD, I suppose.

Best Gift Ever

And I got five of them!

Kim Deal Once Drank at O'Connor's

I'll admit it.

When I first heard about the Pixies reunion, I was skeptical. I wondered how this was any different than Eagles' fans getting all excited because hell froze over? Nostalgia is always bad for music. "This is merely a greatest hits show," I lamented.

But I've put aside my skepticism because apparently the old fuckers still rawk! This Monday, SHR and I will be going to see them play and I'm pretty excited to see them for the first time.

However I might be even more excited to see the Coctails again.



Are they as good as the Pixies? Of course not. But there are a few things that factor in raising my excitement level for this show.

1. Sujan has never seen them and I think she'll love them.
2. The lack of hype is intriguing. I had no idea they were playing shows again. The only reason that I knew that they were playing this Sunday is because they are opening for Yo La Tengo.
3. I hope to be able to buy a new Coctails shirt because I wore mine out years ago and it was always one of my favorite shirts.
4. Now that I have more money than I did when I was 22, I plan on buying the set of cloth dolls of each member of the band if they still have them for sale.



Yo La Tengo are playing their annual 8 Nights of Hanukah/ 8 Nights of Rock Shows extravaganza. The only other time I saw them as part of this series, they were so damn boring. I'm hopeful that Archer Prewitt and the boys will liven up the proceedings this time. I'll report back.

I Love Lawyers

5 Pacers and 5 Fans Are Charged in Fight

Now we're getting somewhere! Let's have some fans actually have to pay the consequences for their boorish behavior. But not before we can get some great quotes! One of the lawyers for an accused fan had this to say:

Shawn Patrick Smith, the lawyer for Green, said Wednesday that his client was being singled out. "I can count 50 or 60 people who are throwing stuff," Smith said. "We're going to fight until blood comes out of our eyes. We're going to stop at nothing."

Yikes. Isn't this attitude part of what got his client in this mess in the first place?

But my favorite lawyer quote is from one defending the players:

The players, he added, are "in a very, very difficult situation."
"They're not protected by anybody, they're standing there alone, defenseless and nearly unclothed," Burdick said.

Ah yes, the old "nearly unclothed" line of defense.

What I've Been Reading the Past Six Months

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
I loved his first book Fargo Rock City so I was very excited to finally read this one. I finally read it last June. It is a great book to start off the summer as Summer Dan. There are some great moments here, but Klosterman comes across as an elitist trying too hard to be a non-elitist.

The Guns n' Roses tribute band section is perfect but there is also some really dull stuff in here. The book is almost as entertaining as this vile piece deriding Klosterman in the Ny Press. If you haven't read this article, prepare yourself for some of the ugliest journalism you'll ever see.

The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer

I borrowed this from my grandparents a few years ago and this summer I finally got around to reading it. It is Mailer's first novel and I can't quite say that I loved it as much as I thought I would. It is a long, long book that feels like a long, long book. However, that being said, it is a very interesting fictional World War II account from the perspectives of many different soldiers from the general all the way down to the lowest grunt in the Pacific theater.

The People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn
I read this book in between reading other books over the past two years. It is a fascinating read and I highly recommend it to anyone. It made me realize that the bullshit we are facing today is nothing new- it is what our country was built on. As an added bonus, AJ on The Sopranos is a big fan.

Foul Ball by Jim Bouton
Former 20 game winner and the writer of the classic Ball Four self-published this interesting book about the evils of owners of professional teams forcing cities to build stadiums for them. Bouton's book is a diary of his and his friend's efforts to renovate the existing Wahconah Park in Pittsfield, Mass. But the powers that be (including the local paper) want a new park to be built instead so new fatcat out of town owners can swoop in with a new team. The marriage between the media, the politicians, and the rich owners don't sound much different than what's going on right now in Brooklyn and Washington D.C.

The Bad Guys Won! A Season of Brawling, Boozing, Bimbo-chasing, and Championship Baseball with Straw, Doc, Mookie, Nails, The Kid, and the Rest of the 1986 Mets, the Rowdiest Team Ever to Put on a New York Uniform--and Maybe the Best by Jeff Pearlman

Why did they leave "blow" out of the title of the book? Otherwise, the title says it all.

Mysteries of Pittsburgh by Michael Chabon
I've wanted to read this book for a long time. Maybe I had unreal expectations, but I was disappointed with this book. I wonder if I was 24 and right out of college, I would have enjoyed this book more. It does capture the post collegiate wistfulness of it all, but I had a hard time relating to the characters. And the organized crime stuff just doesn't seem to fit. If I had read this book before I had read The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay maybe I would have enjoyed it more. I don't know, I almost felt like I was reading The Water Method Man right after reading The World According to Garp or A Prayer for Owen Meany. John Irving's first novel just doesn't compare to his later work and based on the two books I've read, that might be the case with Chabon. How is Wonder Boys?


I'm not quite sure what I'm going to read next but I don't think it is going to be the 1,100 page Robert Caro book about Robert Moses. That book intimidates the hell out of me sitting there on the bookshelf looking all menacing and shit.

Youthlarge's First Hanukah!

Welcome to the Tribe, baby!

How's Married Life?

This has been the big question that people keep asking me over the past few months. It is a question that I'm not quite sure how to answer. Is it one of those "How are you" type small talk questions or is it more?

What is the appropriate response to that question? What are people expecting me to say to a question like that? I've been tempted to say something like "It really blows. If I'd known it was going to be like this, I would never have gotten married" just to get a reaction.

But, of course, this isn't the truth. Being married is great. But things really aren't that different than when Sujan and I were dating except now her dad is really making the hard sell for me to learn Korean. He has even offered to pay for me to live in S. Korea next summer to learn the language.


So I guess I have an answer for the question after all. Nevermind.

Mel Gibson's Favorite New Movie

I finally saw The Incredibles. It was good enough for a Saturday matinee. It looked good, the soundtrack was lively, the action was entertaining. But I was a little perturbed by some of the messages that the movie seemed to be espousing. Maybe it is just me because Sujan didn't feel quite the same way that I did.

But this is what I saw:

The three definite Jewish characters were either lawyers or a bumbling teacher. The money grubbing insurance boss might or might not be Jewish so I'll give the movie a pass on that one.

The dad Incredible has been emasculated and is rudderless. The damn society has cut off his balls and now he is miserable and doesn't know what to do with his life. His wife is all too happy to send him off to his soul crushing office job everyday in a quest to keep him in line. He wants to do something that matters, she wants him to be part of the system that makes him miserable.

All wives are doubting nags. Mrs. Incredible nags her husband the entire movie and picks on his life goals. Sam Jackson's wife is too busy nagging him about a ruined dinner to notice that their city is being attacked and he needs to help.

Even when Mrs. Incredible is running around and beating up bad guys in the second half of the movie, she momentarily stops to look at how big her ass has gotten in a mirror. What is that all about?

At the end, when the kids are finally allowed to excel amongst their peers and not hide their special abilities anymore, the boy becomes a track star. The girl? For all of her new found confidence, what do the writers reward her with? A boyfriend! Hooray!

And, of course, screw those damn mediocre kids who are ruining it for the smart, athletic kids.

The whole thing felt like a conservative's wet dream. Woe is the privileged white male. What victims they are. Boo hoo.


A scene from The Incredibles.

9/11 Was the Ultimate "Quality of Life" Violation

Now that former NYC police commish and Giuliani chum Bernard Kerik has been named the new man in charge of Homeland Security, I feel so much safer, don't you?

"Bernie Kerik arrived at the World Trade Center minutes after the first plane hit," Mr. Bush said. "He was there when the twin towers collapsed. He knew the faces of the rescuers who rushed toward danger. He attended the funeral of the officers who didn't come back. Bernie Kerik understands the duties that came to America on September the 11th."

So his main qualification to protect our country is that he watched the towers collapse? Awesome! I wonder how Bush will explain to his new man why it is okay to underfund NYC's efforts to protect itself from future attacks.

Now if we could only find a way to get all those dang terrorists to jump a turnstile so we could arrest them, we'd really be getting somewhere!

Mr. Charming

If you haven't had time to read about the Barry Bonds steroids saga today, this is the only thing you need to know:

Bonds told the grand jurors that he had given Anderson a $20,000 bonus and bought him a ring after the 73-home run season. He also bought the trainer a ring to commemorate the Giants' 2002 World Series appearance. When a juror asked why the wealthy ballplayer hadn't bought "a mansion" for his trainer to live in, Bonds answered:

"One, I'm black, and I'm keeping my money. And there's not too many rich black people in this world. There's more wealthy Asian people and Caucasian and white. And I ain't giving my money up."

One of those rich "Caucasian and white" bastards.

What Makes a Third Grader Start Fires?

One of my favorite kids of all time came up to me during lunch today and declared, "I think I've discovered how to start a fire with pretzels." And then she proceeded to demonstrate by furiously rubbing two pretzel rods together.

Unfortunately, she failed in her endeavor, but I respect the effort.

Rating of This Entry: 5.7

Now that Blonde Redhead aren't that great anymore, what does Italy have to offer? How about a separation of church and state and people who actually make sense when they talk? From the Ny Times:

But abortion is a non-issue here - perhaps the best example of the more civil tone of the debate over religion and state. Here, it seems less an argument than a very long conversation.

"I don't think the situation is so bad," said Rocco Buttiglione, an Italian governmental minister, a rigorous Catholic and a friend of the pope who has become something of a lightning rod on the issue of religion in Europe. "I think we can talk."

Conservative politicians like him and the Vatican lament the decline of values and religion, some wondering whether Italy and Europe have lost touch with their Christian roots at a time when, as some see it, the West is facing a deep challenge from Islam.

Mr. Buttiglione was rejected last month for a top post in the European Union for his opinions - private, he says, and thus distinct from any public duties - that homosexuality is a sin and that women would be better off married and at home.

But many of his general views, to American ears, can sound almost liberal. In an interview, he spoke of the complexities of the abortion debate, how even unwavering anti-abortionists like himself need to understand the difficulties of asserting the rights of a fetus against those of its mother.

"I have one rule, the rule of liberal society, which is the rule of freedom," he said. "I respect your freedom and you respect mine. Within this, we can talk."

Could you imagine a leader of the religious right talking like that in our country?

And a little more:

"Everybody thinks that the pope is the only moral figure in my country as far as war and social justice go," said Emma Bonino, a leader of the Radical Party, who spearheaded the campaign to legalize abortion in the 1970's. "But on personal behavior, meaning sex, meaning divorce, meaning motherhood and pregnancy, people frankly do not care."

Amen!


Turning to the world of music, have you ever wondered about the mysterious world of Pitchfork? Wonder no more because the NY Observer has the answers- even if they aren't the answers Travis Morrison wants to hear.

Mr. Hougland of Other Music explained: "The writer for Spin makes more money, but the Pitchfork dude has way more power. If you look at the media and the blogs, it’s the music version of that."

Nothing illustrates the point better than two recent records: Funeral, by the new Canadian band the Arcade Fire, and Travistan, by indie darling Travis Morrison. About two months ago, Pitchfork reviewed Funeral and gave it a rave. Writer David Moore emoted, with the personal intensity and creative hyperbole that’s a hallmark of PF scribes: "Their search for salvation in the midst of real chaos is ours; their eventual catharsis is part of our continual enlightenment." Funeral earned the high mark of 9.7 on the site’s numerical rating system, where 10.0 is the top and 0.0 the bottom. Almost immediately, it became impossible to find Funeral in a New York City record store.

"Without Pitchfork, I can’t imagine that all the hype around the Arcade Fire would have happened," says Mr. Hougland. "It’s totally Pitchfork; it’s not even worth speculating about. It’s possible that they would have gotten that popular, but it would have taken a lot longer." Merge Records, the North Carolina–based indie label that put out Funeral, sold out their initial printing of the record and now have pressed an additional 60,000 to fill demand. Tickets for the band’s November show at the Bowery Ballroom sold out weeks before the event, a rare occurrence for a group with one hard-to-find record on its first headlining tour.

On the flip side is the dreaded 0.0, most recently awarded to Travis Morrison’s Travistan. Mr. Morrison had formerly found favor with Pitchfork as frontman of the D.C. art-rock quartet the Dismemberment Plan; in 1999, the D-Plan’s Emergency and I was voted Pitchfork’s No. 1 record of the year. The review of Travistan was so spiteful, it was almost as if Mr. Morrison had been trashed simply for going solo. Chris Dahlen wrote: "I’ve never heard a record more angry, frustrated, and even defensive about its own weaknesses, or more determined to slug those flaws right down your throat." In the wake of the piece, a skepticism about Travistan took hold, with some college-radio programmers—who normally would have been pushing a much-anticipated solo record from someone like Mr. Morrison—making excuses for why it wasn’t in heavy rotation. At least one record-store owner initially declined to stock the record (he later changed his mind). Other critics followed Pitchfork’s suit; a number of pieces about the record discussed the 0.0 before even engaging with it.

In the world of technology, I can't believe Balgavy hasn't mentioned this gem yet.

Inventive Ken Schaffer, monitoring Russian TV from his laptop in Central Park, can make local programming portable anywhere the Internet can be reached.

So the next time, Marc decides to "go" to Louisville, he can still watch his New York video shows on Channel 25 without even setting the DVR!

And finally, in the world of bullshit, I wonder why we aren't as smart as the people in Ukraine who when they smell fraud actually do something about it.

Which, is of course, the exact opposite of Americans. We let Bush steal the 2000 election and anyone who doesn't think that the Ohio escapades of 2004 aren't a little fishy is either a Republican or a person who shuts down upon reading double negatives. The only difference between Ukraine (and other countries with ridiculously faked elections) and our country is that when there is fraud in our country, the winning side (recently always Republicans) is smart enough to make it close rather than a 97%- 3% landslide.

But now we can actually do something (at least in Washington state). Read Wisdom Weasel to find out how.

That's My Name, Don't Wear It Out

From the time I was a little kid and saw The Blues Brothers for the first time, I've always loved 50's and 60's R and B and soul. There is something real and dangerous and romantic and perfect about this kind of music. As a seven year old, I turned my attention from Grease worship to a love of Sam and Dave, Ray Charles, and James Brown. Belushi and Akroyd were so fucked up and badass as they cruised to Wilson Pickett. However, as a little suburban Jewish boy, it was easier for me to want to be Danny Zucco than it was to grow up to be a gospel singer in James Brown's choir. Plus Stone Groove was always more interested in the more sedate Motown stuff than the real good stuff out there.

Recently, I've been listening to a lot of Irma Thomas. And, god damn, she is fine. One amazing song after another. The CD cover dubs her "The Soul Queen of New Orleans." I didn't know one thing about her until Alex J. lent me the CD.

Alex also lent me Arthur Alexander as well. I knew one or two of his songs and, of course, all the songs that the British Invasion bands (particularly the Beatles) covered. And I love the Brit boy versions, but they don't compare to the genuine article of Alexander.

Last year, I discovered Howard Tate (thanks to Sujan's co-worker) and Little Willie John (thanks to the movie I Hired a Contract Killer).

Hot Tub Eric keeps generously supplying Youthlarge and me with amazing mix after amazing mix of incredible R and B and soul from the 60's. The Stax box set (thank you Whiskey Drinker) continues to blow me away and I've barely even made a dent in it.

So my question is- how many more amazing bands and singers are out there that I'm unaware of? Please do tell.