British folks are weird. Take the game of Conkers for example. While me and my hearty American brethren were destroying each other's pencils in pencil fighting matches, Mondale and New Director spent their childhoods tying nuts to strings and flinging them at each other's nuts.
This is all that these gentlemen had been talking about all last week. New Director decided that they would compete against each other to conclude last Friday's Fall Assembly. They practiced all week. Bowles won every match. Mondale taught me and we faced off one day after school. He didn't tell me that if the strings get intertwined, you are supposed to yank as hard as you can. He also didn't tell me that if your nut falls to the ground, you should rush to pick it up because otherwise your opponent is free to stomp on it. First they tax our tea, then they burn down the White House, they they force Peter Noone on us, and now this? Bowles destroyed me.
Anyway, Friday finally rolled around. The assembly was completely unremarkable for the first twenty minutes. We sang our usual fall songs (One by one, the leaves fall down, one by one, blah, blah) and listened to children recite their fall poetry (Fall, colors change, we dress up for Halloween, blah, blah). And then we were ready for the Conkers grudge match.
Mondale and New Director strode to the front as the "Rocky" theme emanated from the tinny keyboard stationed underneath the basketball hoop. Mondale explained the rules. New Director did some stretching - he is ten years or so older than Mondale and perhaps well past his prime Conkers glory days.
New Director will not impress anyone with this wimpy pose. Or is he just setting Mondale up for a fall?
His form does seem fairly strong.
The taunting and headgames begin.
We have a winner!
Mondale the Champion
Check here for another account of the Championship Match. In the comments section, we learn from Mondale's old chum Weasel that maybe we should be more than a little skeptical of Mondale's championship form. He writes, "Check and see that he didn't cheat and bake or vinegar his conker beforehand." Hmmm ....
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