This is all that these gentlemen had been talking about all last week. New Director decided that they would compete against each other to conclude last Friday's Fall Assembly. They practiced all week. Bowles won every match. Mondale taught me and we faced off one day after school. He didn't tell me that if the strings get intertwined, you are supposed to yank as hard as you can. He also didn't tell me that if your nut falls to the ground, you should rush to pick it up because otherwise your opponent is free to stomp on it. First they tax our tea, then they burn down the White House, they they force Peter Noone on us, and now this? Bowles destroyed me.
Anyway, Friday finally rolled around. The assembly was completely unremarkable for the first twenty minutes. We sang our usual fall songs (One by one, the leaves fall down, one by one, blah, blah) and listened to children recite their fall poetry (Fall, colors change, we dress up for Halloween, blah, blah). And then we were ready for the Conkers grudge match.
Mondale and New Director strode to the front as the "Rocky" theme emanated from the tinny keyboard stationed underneath the basketball hoop. Mondale explained the rules. New Director did some stretching - he is ten years or so older than Mondale and perhaps well past his prime Conkers glory days.
New Director will not impress anyone with this wimpy pose. Or is he just setting Mondale up for a fall?
His form does seem fairly strong.
The taunting and headgames begin.
We have a winner!
Mondale the Champion
Check here for another account of the Championship Match. In the comments section, we learn from Mondale's old chum Weasel that maybe we should be more than a little skeptical of Mondale's championship form. He writes, "Check and see that he didn't cheat and bake or vinegar his conker beforehand." Hmmm ....
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8 comments:
Hmm. This doesn't seem like a game you should be teaching kids, Listmaker. Someone's going to put his or her eye out.
i wasn't the one teaching it! blame the british.
"This doesn't seem like a game you should be teaching kids, Listmaker. Someone's going to put his or her eye out."
Tschh. Best way to breed a nation of litgious, obese, creationists is to coddle them and take away their conkers.
First you malign Del Shannon and now Peter Noone ( the great Herman). Who is next? You should be ashamed of yourself.
It was my proudest sporting achievement since I sent a competitor the wrong way around a sailing course.
I keep trying to come up with something witty to reply to yours or mactechwitch's postings. I really wanted to post my own version of the spectacle. But every time I think about it, my brain gets frozen into that place where it was during the whole match - "Holy crap is this really happening?" mixed with a little bit of "What the hell are they talking about?" and "What the hell are they doing?" and "Where on earth am I?"
The whole experience was so... otherworldly and... out of body and... bizarre.
today, a girl in my class brought an entire class set that she and her dad found and made this weekend. next week, we will have a championship with 17 kids going crazy. new director only has himself to blame!
Cricket, conkers, fish and chips, gum fascism- he's ruining you all, isn't he?
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