Christmas Eve: Our downstairs neighbors were having a super loud dance party. I was out. SHR did some serious pounding on the floor. This must have really pissed them off.
Every single night: Our asshole upstairs neighbor high heels it up while listening to nothing but loud bass while moving furniture. Sometimes we pound the ceiling with an umbrella or ball to fight back.
Two weeks ago:
We received the "please send me a tip" disguised as a Christmas card from our newspaper delivery guy. As previously stated, I refuse to tip the fucker this year. Not only for his obnoxious May behavior but other smaller transgressions.
12/26
Our paper and a neighbors' copy of The Wall Street Journal were kicked behind the fence. SHR deftly climbed over to get our copy.
The past three days our paper has been nowhere to be found. Other people on the block are getting theirs, but not us.
So who is responsible? The salsa dancers? The whore upstairs? The vindictive newsie?
My money is on the salsa partiers. The fact that our paper had been knocked aside on Tuesday is my main evidence. I picture the guy not being sure which was our paper but knowing that both were read by some whitey upstairs and figuring that he couldn't go wrong with knocking both over. I wonder if our neighbors have been getting their The Wall Street Journal the last three days. If not, that could be the clue that cracks the case.
I've been contemplating how to figure out who the culprit is for sure. I could go outside at 5 am and wait to see if the paper is delivered. If it is, I could sit in the park across the street and see who steals it. Or I could buy those exploding dye packs that they have over there at the bank and booby trap my paper upon delivery and wait for the fireworks.
Or I could just count down the days until I move out of this apartment. And continue to plot ways to get my revenge on my neighbors before moving out.
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9 comments:
Exploding dye packs all the way. As for revenge, go to a bait shop, buy some small fry, and then have Youthlarge hold your ankles as you lean down the garbage chute or similar to duct tape your bait package securely to the roof. Then move out, contentedly.
Revenge = upper deck for the salsa dancers and an angry gorilla for the whore. Yeah!
Slowly stinking fish are definately the way to go. That or you can just mail them some dogshit once you have moved out. They'll know it's you but will have no way fo finding you. Make sure they have no way of finding you.
or just flood them from above.
x10
Ella hereby volunteers to provide said dog shit.
dn
Pay it forward, dude.
You need to get some better hobbies, my friend. Like eating!
by the way, i called the times and asked for advice. i told them that it could be my neighbor but wasn't sure what to do. they said they would let the dispatcher know and that the complaint wouldn't go directly to the delivery guy.
and i haven't had a problem the past few days. so maybe it wasn't our neighbors after all.
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