Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Halloween, Now With a Chicken Mask

My class kept asking me if I was Big Bird. No, I told them. I am the Rubber Chicken of Friendship - the unofficial school mascot that gets passed around from class to class. My class was completely non-plussed about the whole thing. However, former students, younger kids, parents, and faculty all seemed to like it. Oh well. Par for the course this year.

Anyway, I can't believe that I don't have a photo of myself that shows off the bright red soccer socks that I borrowed from Gum Fascist or the yellow dishwashing gloves on my feet. Sorry SHR, I'll pick up some new ones.

The rest of the teachers in my grade. Mondale is a Secret Service agent protecting the VP of the US from '77-'81.

Best pumpkin ever! Boy Who Always Wears a Leather Jacket in School and Claims to All Who Will Listen That He is A Scenestealer brought it in.

Other thing of note from this week: The Boy Who Dressed as Blade today did an odd thing yesterday. First, he killed a bee with his bare hand at recess. The bee was minding its own business when Blade snuck up and coldcocked the sucker dead. I admonished him and told him not to do that again.

A few minutes later, he proudly came over to show me that he was holding a bee in his hand. He had caught another one and taken one of its wings off. He said that he had done it to protect everyone from getting stung. I was stunned and explained to him how mean that was to that poor bee. I told him to put the bee down and not to do it to again.

Blade reminded me of the old family cat Bumpo who would proudly drop off dead birds at the feet of my parents. In both cases, the recipients of such bearings were equally awed and disgusted at the same time. I mean, how the hell do you catch a bee with your bare hand without getting stung? An impressive feat, I suppose.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Halloween at Skippy and Cortney's

William the Soundguy and Sonya Thomas - Champion Eater

An Angry Chicken and the Zombie Kurdt Cobain

The gun was made by SHR with cardboard and black paint.

Best Bookshelf Ever

The KFC, the food stains, the eyeshadow, the magic.

Movie of the Haunted House Experience: Two Minutes of Screaming in the Basement of a Brownstone. William was the guide.

Scary


Even Scarier

Kurt and Courtney

A pregnant Britney Spears and a Chia Pet

Um ...

Skippy is so dirty!

SHR and I are now very pro NRA.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Heroes

Chris Larry was right. He was raving about this show from the beginning. Others have told me it was good too. Still I didn't think I'd like it. SHR watched the third episode and enjoyed it. I decided to give the fourth episode a shot. And I haven't looked back. I loved loved loved the episode I watched. Then NBC had a mini - marathon (Episodes 2-4) so I had DVRed those. I've watched them completely out of order but no matter, it just adds to the charm of the whole damn thing. The plotline jumps all over the place anyway (one of the characters can stop time, another can predict the future by drawing it while on heroin) so my watching it out of order (Episodes 4-2-5-3) hasn't hurt. I still haven't seen Episode 1 yet. I can't wait for Episode 6 tomorrow night.

I can't quite believe how hooked I've become on this show. The show is utterly ridiculous. But it is supposed to be right? It is like a comic book. But then again, nothing is more ridiculous than Lost. Unlike that show, anyone can jump aboard and figure shit out easily. And even if you can't, you'll be so caught up in the action that it won't matter. If you have not started watching it yet, start now. Don't wait for the DVD's.

Elements of the look of Spider-Man and the genetic freak show of X-Men are the obvious comparisons. There are even elements of the cheerleader story line (pure evil lurks in the shadows of wholesome Americana) that reminds me of Twin Peaks. Best new show of the season - not that I've watched more than three, but trust me.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

A Week in the Life of a Teacher

Monday
Field trip to the Lower East Side

We ate bialys. We ate pickles. We went to the Lower East Side Tenement Museum where the actress playing an immigrant teenager decided to answer interesting questions with one word answers. I think that my class now thinks that all people in 1916 were super dullards.

Tuesday
My class this year tends to be a little bit on the low energy side and the pouty side. To combat this, I've been playing some music in between lessons to get the kids up and dancing and having fun. We had a vote between three songs and "The Name Game" by Shirley Ellis (thank you Hot Tub Eric and Amie) won. In past years, if I played a song all of the kids would get up and dance. This year, not quite.

Of my 16 kids, 6 got up and danced. 7 sat at their desks with a too cool for school look on their faces. 3 put their heads on their desks, covered their ears with their hands, and looked like they were about to cry. Nice.

Later in the day, I said hello to a bunch of second graders as they walked by. The first six of them completely ignored me. The seventh said hello. I told her that she was the first kid in her class to actually respond to me with a hello. As she headed up the stairs I told her that her prize was that she could be the first kid ever to give me a high five through the grate of the staircase. I put my hand through in enough time to give her a five. Her response was to take the pushpin in her hand (What?) and try to stab me with it. I asked her what she was doing and she didn't respond. What the hell is going on this year? I let her teacher know about the bizarre behavior.

Wednesday
A child wrote all over a bookshelf in pencil. Very stream of consciousness. He wrote about his favorite video game. He wrote "School stinks." He wrote something about Einstein, I think but it was hard to tell. He also wrote the words angry and mad. His punishment was to clean the shelf and then all 16 desks in the class while the rest of the class was at recess.

The kid who tried to stab me with a pushpin left an apology (of sorts) note on my desk. It read, "Dear Mr. R sorry you thoght I was trying poke you with the pushpin I was trying to give it to you so none would step on it I'm sorry from M."

Thursday
Over half of the class actually seemed happy when I played "The Monster Mash" during a break.

Listen to the Name Game.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

At Least It Wasn't Armando Benitez's Fault This Year

Tonight should be the night that SHR, Erik, and Dave were heading to Shea for Game 3 of the World Series. Instead, I get to hunker down and watch sluggers hopped up on Human Growth Hormone (David Eckstein I'm looking at you) face pitchers with shit on their hands.

I'm slowly getting over the sting of the Mets not making the World Series. It is tough though. I've not been this disappointed since 1997. There have been plenty of other teams that have broken my heart but I haven't been as upset as this in years.

The teams that have disappointed me the most:

'82 Orioles
The team was three games behind the Brewers with 4 left in Balt. The Orioles took 3 in a row to set up the final decisive game of the season. The Orioles lost but I was too busy playing outside to even notice too much.

'89 Orioles
The disastrous '88 season led directly to the wondrous' 89 one. The team held first most of the year and was close all the way. It went into the last series in Toronto one game behind. It lost the first two games and that was that. Still how could I be too upset by a team that got as close as it did when it had no right to get that close?

'96 Orioles
Lost in the ALCS to the Yankees. After the whole Jeffery Maier bullshit, this team wasn't that close to making the World Series. The Yankees were better anyway. This was the first Orioles playoff team in 13 years so I was just happy that the team had made the playoffs. Especially since they had almost traded away some of its veterans in July.

'98 Mets
My first time rooting for the Mets for a full season after moving to NY the previous September. The scrappy team needed a star and got one by trading for Piazza in May. They had the Wild Card in their grasp. I had playoff tickets. Then the team lost its final 5 games, including the last 3 to Atlanta. What a disaster. Still, I was just happy to have moved to a new city and have a fun team to root for. Plus the team wouldn't have gone that far anyway so I wasn't completely devastated.

'99 Mets
The Mets were great but they just couldn't beat the Braves. When they went down 3 games to nothing against the Braves in the NLCS, it seemed like things were over. Inexplicably, they won Game 4 which set up the best game I've ever seen in person - the Robin Ventura grand single game - 15 innings of tension filled baseball in the rain. Then they had the lead in Game 6 after Super Republican Al Leiter had shit the bed to start the game. Of course, Benitez blew it and then Kenny Rogers walked in the season ending run.

I was crushed this year too but even if the Mets had won this game, they still had one more to do. I was just happy about the thrills the team had given me that postseason already (Todd Pratt Division Series winning homerun, Game 5 of the NLCS) that I wasn't as crushed that year as I was this year. Or maybe I simply have forgotten the pain. But there is something so incredibly awful about the way Mets lost this year with the tying run on 2nd base, a great hitter at the plate, and in Game 7 that surpasses the hurt from the '99 Mets.

That World Series was such a downer. I'm not saying that that team would have beaten the Yankees but they would have done better than the Braves who got swept. My two least favorite teams squared off in the World Series and I don't remember being too enamored about watching it.

'00 Mets
Whatever. The Mets never really were close in that Series. And, at least, when it was over, there was no more baseball season left to torment me. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that the Game 1, soul crushing, 12 inning loss was Armando Benitez's fault.

'01 Mets
Mediocre all season, the Mets started winning all the time about 10 days before 9/11. Then they carried on their winning ways afterwards as well. 12 days after 9/11, the team returned to NY for the first game in the city after the awful day. Piazza hit a big homerun and the Mets beat the Braves. They won on Saturday as well. On Sunday, they were on the verge of winning again and closing the Braves lead to 2 1/2 games with 9 left. Of course, Benitez blew the lead and the Mets lost in 11. The team never recovered and finished at 82-80.

That was a disappointment but considering that I had written the team off by mid May, it was still nice to see the team make a late run. A month later I wrote, "As horrible as this game was, it was such a nice feeling to be so depressed about a baseball game. For the first time since September 11, I was truly able to focus completely on something other than tragedy and disaster. I was able to focus completely on the tragedy and disaster that is Armando Benitez in a big game."

Which leads me to the last time that I was so distraught about a postseason. It was the 1997 Orioles. Like the '06 Mets, this team dominated over the competition all season and the playoffs were never in doubt. Like the '06 Mets, the '97 Orioles were led by a former second baseman. The '97 Orioles won one more game than the '06 Mets.
This was the year for the team to finally make it to the World Series. They boasted three good starting pitchers (Mike Mussina, Jimmy Key, and Scott Erickson) and they breezed through the Division Series just like the Mets.

In the next round, they faced a vastly inferior team (on paper) just like the Mets did. However, they weren't reeling from injuries like the Mets were this year. Instead, they suffered from something even more dastardly - they had Armando Benitez on their team.

Dave N. and I drove to Baltimore after work to see Game 1 in person. We arrived back to NYC at 3:30 am and I got a few hours of sleep before going back to work. Things looked great. Cleveland had no chance. In Game 2 with a 2 run 8th inning lead, Davey Johnson brought in Benitez to bridge the gap to Randy Myers. Benitez put 2 runners on and then gave up a 3 run blast to Marquis Grissom. Series tied. I was watching this game by myself in an empty apartment (except for the TV on the floor) that Balgavy had just moved into in Brooklyn.

In Game 3, Mike Mussina pitched 7 brilliant shutout innings. Benitez actually escaped unscathed and the game went into extra innings. In the bottom of the 12th with Marquis Grissom on 3rd, backup catcher Lenny Webster couldn't corral a Randy Myers pitch and Grissom scored the winning run on a passed ball. What the fuck? I still remember watching the completion of that game with Stone Groove in stunned silence.

In Game 4, the Orioles actually overcame a 5-3 7th inning deficit by scoring a run in the 7th and the 9th. Of course, in the 9th, things went badly. Alan Mills put a runner onto start the inning. With 2 outs and the winning run on 2nd, Mr. Benitez was brought in. He walked a hitter and then gave up a game winning single to Sandy Alomar. I hate Armando Benitez!

The Orioles won Game 5 and headed back to Baltimore down 3 games to 2. Game 6 was a doozy. Mike Mussina was brilliant. 8 innings, 1 hit, 2 walks, no runs. Great, right? Too bad the Orioles couldn't get any hits when it mattered. They stranded 14 runners on base in the game. The game went to the 11th tied at 0. I had tickets for Game 7. I was so excited to be able to go to it with my dad. Scott Erickson on the mound for Game 7, the Orioles would have momentum, things would be golden.

Enter Armando Benitez. With 2 outs, he gave up a homerun to Tony Fernandez. I felt as deflated as I did on Thursday night when Molina's ball disappeared into the Shea night. In the bottom of the inning, the Orioles had the tying run on 1st with 2 outs with Roberto Alomar at the plate. Like Beltran, Alomar struck out looking. Ugly. Like the '06 Cardinals, the '97 Indians went onto the World Series to face a Jim Leyland led team.

I had a hard time watching the World Series that year. It should have been the Orioles, not the Indians! I couldn't even bear to care about that Series until Game 6. I feel similarly this year. Usually, I love the World Series. This year, it is just a painful reminder of what could have been.

The '97 Orioles were not the most likable team. Cal Ripken was a stubborn prick. Rafael Palmeiro was a boring crybaby. Randy Myers was too busy reading "Guns and Ammo" to even give flowers out to moms at the gate on Mother's Day (the only member of the team to refuse). Roberto Alomar was fresh off his spitting incident. Mussina was always an arrogant selfish player but at least he was great. Mike Bordick was boring. Who can get that excited about players like BJ Surhoff and Geronimo Berroa?

The team was a bunch of mercenaries with only three key players developed by the organization and one of them was from the early 80's. Although I'll give the team credit for sticking with Brady Anderson through his early tough pre-steroids years. Plus, who doesn't like Harold Baines and Erik Davis? Overall though, not the most likable team. And did I mention Armando Benitez?

Peter Angelos began the destruction of the team through stinginess and ineptitude after this season. He already drove away Jon Miller but now the onfield stuff was on its way. On the day that Davey Johnson was named AL Manager of the Year, he resigned by fax (if memory serves correctly) because he was about to get fired.

The team began 1998 as the oldest team in the majors and they played like it. The one memory that sticks out for me about this season was when Benitez started a melee in the Bronx by drilling Tino Martinez after giving up a big homerun to Bernie Williams. The whole team was embarrassed and didn't do much to prevent the likes of D. Strawberry from using Benitez as a punching bag. After the season, Benitez was traded to the Mets so he could continue to torment me in New York.

Soon, Albert Belle was on the team and then we had to suffer through the likes of Marty Cordova being touted as key acquistions. The list goes on and on about the crap that is the Orioles organization and I don't really feel like going into it. The team has not had a winning season since 1997.

Even then there was a sense that '97 was it. Do it or don't. There is no such feeling with the '06 Mets. Disappointing yes but this team will be back next year. The core is still young. Minaya is smart, Wilpon has open pockets, and the team should be competitive for years. It doesn't make the sting of the loss any better right now but come April, this team should be even hungrier to win. Unlike the '97 Orioles, this Mets team was extremely likable. Any team with Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Delgado, and Pedro is off to a good start on the likeability factor.

This was therapeutic, thanks for bearing with me.

Go Tigers!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Bart and Amy's Wedding

Hot Tub Eric and SHR in the elevator.

Hater Larry and Kip with the last minute paper towels. Unfortunately, neither one has a turntable needle.

Only one of these two guys gave me a business card within the first 30 seconds of talking with him.

La Chima says "Let's Go Mets!" Dig the blue and orange.

Archrivals attempt to bury the hatchet.

The view.

Serenading the newlyweds.

You can't see the cord but we're sharing headphones. I hate Steve Trachsel.

Tony La Russa can bite me.

With the Mets losing 5-0, we all know that that smile is forced.

I wish I had been the one to bring the Watchman.

First Dance

Best Dance

Mooney and Hot Tub Eric reprised.

Hey, it's Jim!


Balgavy plans new dance moves.



Looking at the book of memories that some people sent great things for, some people wrote e-mails about why they weren't going to participate, and some people let their significant others do for them.

And then some of us started to throw berries.

Out of control.


Back in the elevator.

The Park Slope Gastronome's Thoughts on the Food.

Friday, October 20, 2006

I Hate Baseball Haiku

Swing the bat, Beltran
Good things come to those who swing
Congrats to Noiseboy

More later when I am able to creep out of this depression.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

To Hell With the Game 5 Pain

Mets fans will always Remember John Maine.
The exploding ship, of course, represents the Cardinals chances of making the World Series this year. The guy with the tinted shades is La Russa.

My ears are still ringing from the game.

Here's hoping that Jeff Suppan has an Andujar moment in Game 7.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Two Notable Game 6 Moments


Chris Carpenter is going down tomorrow night.

Monday, October 16, 2006

We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off to Search for Listmaker

More searches for me.

the female basketball coach gave handjobs to her boy players
massage "Angkor wat" 7 girls
phrase "I wish I had a watermelon"
Middle Ear Infection piss in the ear
"hogettes" and "section" and "sit"
gang activity bedford-stuy
phnom penh ak47 chicken shooting pictures
pictures jermaine stewart
seo unresolved bitterness han
america "these colors don't bleed"
the o.c,marissa screams and throws into pool
soccer cake made with teddy grahams
does derek jeter have a phone number
yom kippur is it ok to watch tv
my teenage son farting
kevin millar's pot belly
DEFINITION OF STONE GROOVE
Reading List for people in their 60's
pitcher refused pitch sunday seventh day adventist

Jermaine Stewart loves that "definition of stone groove" was searched for in all caps.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Glorious Field Trip

Ten days ago, we took our annual trip to Ellis Island. Last year it rained miserably. This year, we had perfect weather.

Mondale recommended that we dress up a little this year. We were a big hit everywhere. At security, one of the workers said I looked like Rollie Fingers. I wish. While my fake 'stache was nice, it couldn't hold a candle to Mr. Fingers.

Tourists loved us.

Play Time