This morning, I was minding my own business heading downstairs in our ever so slow elevator. We have two of them in our building. When we moved in a year ago, one of them was a lot faster than the other. Now - not so much. They are both super slow. And they are both super annoying. Often when you press the down button, both come up to you for no reason. Thus, when you are waiting downstairs for an elevator, there are often two just hanging out on the 9th floor.
Anyway, I got on the elevator and a woman gets on a few floors later. She says good morning and then starts complaining about how slow the elevators are these days. We discuss this for a moment and try to figure out why. She says, "I probably shouldn't say this because it might offend you --- but I think it is the Man. The Man is messing with us by slowing down the elevators!"
I respond, "The Man? Really. That's an interesting theory. I like that." We got off the elevator and started walking to the front door. Right as we got to the two stairs before the door, she tripped and lost her balance. She would have tumbled to the floor if she hadn't broken her fall by grabbing my shoulder.
She thanked me profusely and then said, "I fell because I was badmouthing The Man. I shouldn't have been doing that to you!"
That's right - don't fuck with The Man!
Speaking of The Man, this morning's events reminds me of the time in college when I worked at the college radio station. The program director found out that an aspiring DJ worked over the summer at the local Top 40 station. He asked her how that experience was and wanted to know what it was like to work for The Man? She replied, "Oh you mean Mike? How do you know him?"
He said, "No! The Man! The Man!"
Now she was a bit confused by this strange senior yelling at her and calling her summer boss, Mike, The Man. She said, "He's a nice guy to work for. I have to go now" and hightailed it out of the icky college radio station back to the warm embrace of Tom Cochrane, et al.
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8 comments:
Mr. Man- I have the same problem we got the elevators in my building pimped up and now its super slow and i complained to hubby and he said that its made slow for easy access for the handicapped and then I felt stupid and selfish
i can pretty much guarantee you that this has nothing to do with helping the handicapped. for example, it is an elevator building but still we have two steps leading from the elevator to the front door? wtf?
btw, this morning neither elevator came to the 12th floor. one was hanging out on the 14th floor and one on ground floor. i took the stairs after waiting for two minutes.
i knew i shouldn't have brought THE MAN'S plot to light - now i'm really screwed!
But don't you feel good to know that as a Jewish American you don't just control Hollywood, the media, and politics but also elevator speed?
And if you are the man, could you get me a discount on something? After all, what is the point of all that power if you can't cut your friends a break?
Are you really The Man?
Or are you at least connected to The Man in some way?
That's coo,l but like weasel, I wish you could have said something while I used to see you everyday, it would have been useful, especially with that parking fine in April 2006.
The kids in my class love and fear The Man in equal measure. A few of them think they could be his friend but they will be proved wrong.
You know on second thoughts (and despite the concurrence of our pal Mondale) I think special favors would constitute pork barrel mannin', and I ain't down for that.
Wait...if you're the man and I associate with you, as a latin, what does that make me? LOL
We could have such fun with this.
Thanks listo:)
Dude. She didn't mean that it might offend you because YOU ARE The Man, she meant that it might offend you because bringing up The Man is inherently offensive, like talking about cancer or the holocaust or the separating of Siamese twins.
Then God punished her by making her fall because God punishes those who offend his chosen people with offensive talk.
God hates The Man too, believe it.
Might you instead be manimal?
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